Author: Charlotte Stringer

A contentious issue for many parents is what school their child attends and it is unsurprising that upon divorce this can be one of the key issues. For parents with children at private school the issue of whether school fees should continue to be paid and, if so, by who is often a hotly contested issue, especially given the recent increase in school fees now VAT at 20% is payable from 1 January 2025. 

Often parents primary concern is ensuring stability for their child during the separation, and remaining at the same school is advantageous. The difficulty is you are trying to create two households now and the financial pressure on the family often increases. 

What did the budget say? 

Rachel Reeves confirmed in the budget on 30 October 2024 “the government will introduce 20% VAT on education and boarding services provided for a charge by private schools from 1 January 2025.” As a result, school fees will be even more expensive and disputes regarding the affordability of them likely to be on the rise. 

"VAT on Private School Fees: Key Considerations for Divorcing Parents" As divorcing parents navigate financial decisions, understanding the implications of VAT on private school fees is critical. This article explores how these costs may impact co-parenting arrangements, financial settlements, and children's education plans, offering practical guidance for families during challenging transitions.

How should I approach the payment of private school fees with my ex

If possible, it is always preferable for separated couples to agree a financial settlement themselves, either through negotiation (directly or with the assistance of solicitors) and/or mediation. This can be quicker and cheaper than going to court. If your child (or children) are old enough, you may wish to consider child-inclusive mediation. This would provide the children with the opportunity to attend mediation to express their own views on their schooling, and how any changes, either to fee- or nonfee-paying education, might affect them. Whilst their comments and views would not be binding on the parents following those discussions, it can be a powerful indicator to parents as to their children’s wishes and feelings in the context of the matter as a whole, which can sometimes crack the case one way or another.

If you are unable to reach an agreement you may wish to explore other out of court options, such as arbitration. Failing this the court has the power to make orders in respect of school fees. 

Can school fees be considered in a divorce financial settlement? 

Continuity in schooling is important for children, especially if they are in key exam years, and a court is likely to accept that. However, they are considered in the realm of the overall financial landscape and if they cannot be afforded the court may not grant a school fees order. 

The courts will consider all the factors under section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 when deciding the outcome in a financial remedy application. This includes the resource available to both parties (including capital and income) and the needs of each party, including any dependent children. Each case will considered on its own facts and whether or not private school fees can be considered a “need” will be considered in the realm of all the circumstances of your case. If there are sufficient financial resources available the court will consider how your child is currently or was expected to be educated in making a decision. 

A school fees order can be made as part of the wider financial settlement. A school fees order should cover who pays the school fees, how they will be paid (from capital or income) and how long they should be paid. You should also consider “extras” to school fees including uniform, activities etc. and who should be responsible for paying these.  

"VAT on Private School Fees: Key Considerations for Divorcing Parents" As divorcing parents navigate financial decisions, understanding the implications of VAT on private school fees is critical. This article explores how these costs may impact co-parenting arrangements, financial settlements, and children's education plans, offering practical guidance for families during challenging transitions.

For parents who already have a final financial order that includes payment of school fees, the imposition of VAT on private school fees could lead to them no longer being affordable. Time will tell if disputes over payment of private school fees will end up before the court, both in circumstances where parents are trying to reach an agreement on divorce now and also where a final order has already been made. 

If you require advice on paying school fees following a divorce, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Divorce can be a turbulent and highly emotive process for anyone, and it is especially so when dealing with a partner who exhibits narcissistic patterns of behaviour. The term “narcissist” is commonly used in society but what does it really mean. There is a saying that all psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths.  For anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist and is attempting to divorce them, this fact may seem a small mercy.  Unfortunately, many successful people have significant narcissistic traits, therefore, we often deal with spouses in high-net-worth (HNW) and international divorces who are trying to escape a narcissist.

The term narcissist is used a great deal these days.  However, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is very different from a person who enjoys posting selfies.  Often charming and personable in public (including the courtroom), someone with NPD can be controlling, superficial, manipulative, and downright dangerous.  Although the UK family law system is geared towards encouraging couples to work out financial settlements and arrangements for children between themselves or through mediation rather than going to Court, a narcissist will thrive on dragging out proceedings as long as possible.  Furthermore, someone with NPD is unlikely to ever admit they did anything wrong and will blame you for the relationship breaking down, meaning reaching an agreement outside of Court extremely difficult, if not impossible.  

To stay strong and sane, you need to instruct an experienced, tough solicitor who will refuse to engage with your spouse’s gameplaying and will tenaciously fight to ensure you and your children’s best interests are protected.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

NPD is a recognised mental illness.  According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a guidebook used by mental health professionals, people with NPD have five or more of the below traits:

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • A belief that one is special and can only be understood by or associate with special people or institutions
  • A need for excessive admiration
  • A sense of entitlement (to special treatment)
  • Exploitation of others
  • A lack of empathy
  • Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy
  • Arrogant, haughty behaviour, or attitudes

NPD will usually cause problems in everyday life, such as relationships and work. Identifying narcissistic traits isn’t always straightforward and for some it is only when they leave a relationship with a narcissist, they realise their ex had these traits. The impact NPD has had on them then truly comes to light. 

Like all mental health issues, narcissism is a spectrum.  People such as Bill Gates, Kayne West, Donald Trump, and Mariah Carey have all been accused of displaying narcissistic traits which may make them difficult to be married to.  However, this does not necessarily mean they have full-blown NPD. Regardless, navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely challenging and this is only heightened when legal issues are involved, such as divorce and child arrangements. Characteristics a narcissist may exhibit during legal issues are: 

  • The need to have total power and control; 
  • Unwilling to compromise; 
  • Always trying to “win”; 
  • Minimising their previous behaviour; 
  • Delaying or obfuscating the process; and 
  • Lack of empathy. 

Negotiating financial settlements 

It can be extremely difficult to negotiate the terms of a financial settlement with someone with NPD. Many lack empathy and are unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and consider their needs. Furthermore, many narcissists use the divorce process to try and manipulate and control the situation. Although family law solicitors, especially those who are members of Resolution, try to help couples settle without going to Court, such an aim is often nearly impossible if one party is a narcissist.  

It can often be extremely frustrating trying to reach an agreement with a narcissist and you may think it is simply easier to let them have what they want in terms of the financial settlement so you and your children can get out of the situation and find some peace. A narcissist will often try and use financial tactics to leverage control, for example hiding assets, providing inadequate financial disclosure or attempting to prolong the matter. Rather than jeopardise your right to a fair financial settlement, it is possible to put in place safeguards to protect you, such as having all communications regarding your divorce go through your solicitor.  A solicitor experienced in HNW divorce will undoubtedly have come across narcissists many times and will have the emotional detachment and the strategies to sort out the financial settlement efficiently and effectively, regardless of any game-playing by your spouse.

Arrangements for children

Studies show that growing up with a narcissistic parent is incredibly damaging for a child and narcissistic parents can be emotionally distant, self-centred, neglectful and in some cases even abusive. Although narcissists are primarily focused on themselves, they may not hesitate to fight for your children to primarily reside with them in order to exert control or hurt you, and may make false accusations to bolster their narrative, such as alleging parental alienation. 

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be extremely difficult and it is important to put in place safeguards to protect both you and your children. This can include putting in place firm boundaries and communicating only through written means, for example through an app where tone of correspondence can be monitored.  

At Edwards Family Law we are well versed in such tactics and will, if required, organise for expert witness reports setting out the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on your children, especially if it tips over into abuse in terms of coercive and controlling behaviour.

In summary

Divorcing a narcissist is difficult for everyone involved.  More than ever, it is vital that you instruct a solicitor who is not only experienced in HNW divorce but also in managing cases where one spouse exhibits narcissistic traits. 

If you recognise these patterns please contact us so we can guide you through the process and protect you through this extremely difficult period of your life. 
“You will never get the truth out of a Narcissist. The closest you will ever come is a story that either makes them the victim or the hero, but never the villain.”
― Shannon L. Alder